Adaptability

Change is Growth

I think parenting involves a lot of creative problem-solving. At our kids' elementary school they teach them this acronym for pride:

P- PROBLEM SOLVER

R- RESPECTFUL

I- INTEGRITY

D- DEDICATION

E- EMPATHY

They use this to teach the kids the skills they can and will develop at school. It has a little song that goes with it and it gets stuck in my head all the time because my kindergartener, Lillie, is very excited about all things school and singing (to the dismay of her siblings😂!). I love her song for many reasons, but it also helps me remember to be a problem solver in addition to reminding my kids that they can be problem solvers too!

It is impossible to predict every positive or negative event that we will experience throughout our lives, right? It is curious to me that our brains want to do this when we know it's impossible. Our brains do happen to be really good at protecting us and identifying danger, which can help us solve problems and anticipate immediate needs or adjustments. The good news is we can train our brains to not only survive under pressure but to come out better because of it.

As a psychologist, licensed clinical social worker, and author, Danny Huerta says that:

"The ability to adjust and respond with flexibility and optimism is a lifeline to the struggling family."

In this article, he identifies these 5 things children learn when we can be adaptable as parents

1. How to handle adversity and the unexpected
2. How to handle stress while caring for others and themselves
3. To have a flexible mindset
4. To let things go
5. To look at the big picture

I don't know about you but I could sure use those skills in our busy stressful world! The bonus is to be able to teach my kids those things too!

We all know and as the old adage goes "The only constant in life is change", we can expect to experience a lot of it in our lives. 

I like what this healthcare blog says about it 

"Left unmanaged, changes control you. Adaptability gives you the power to control how you change. Adaptability is a mental muscle that we can cultivate in our everyday life. We can train it and have it on standby to use when we need it most. Not only to take negative changes in stride but to seek out change and anticipate its effects so that we can thrive from it. Inevitable change can be fuel for us to hit our goals and live a healthier, happier life."

I love the bit about how adaptability gives us the power to control how we change! Isn't that "agency"? The power to choose? Yes. Yes, it is! The ability to act and choose for ourselves is a God-given right to each of us. When we use that agency to learn and grow and become better we are becoming more adaptable! 

So we as parents can ease our own stress by being more adaptable. We can also use this ability to prepare for the changes that are going to happen with our children as they grow. 

From his book 10 Basic Principles of Good Parenting by Dr. Laurence Steinberg teaches,

"As your child grows and matures, her abilities, concerns, and needs change. Your parenting needs to change over time, too. Although the basic principles of good parenting stay the same throughout childhood and adolescence, the way you put these principles into practice should be adapted to suit your child's stage of development. What worked well when your child was in preschool won't necessarily work when he reaches elementary school, and what worked well in elementary school is not likely to succeed when he enters adolescence."

I don't know why I didn't realize this before and maybe I did a little bit, but honestly, this seems like it would be common sense! 

When I was pregnant for the first time, I read everything I could find about what my body was going through. I read and learned about giving birth so I was prepared for it. I read and learned about what to expect when the baby was born. We asked friends and family members about their experiences. We took birthing classes, met with doctors and tracked progress, and did all. the. things. Guess what that did for us? It made the transition into being the parents of a new baby easier, more manageable, and a little bit predictable. I knew more or less what to expect and when something needed to change. 

I'll be honest though, once our baby Grace was here and we made it through the first almost year, I stopped learning and seeking so much. I guess I thought I had it all figured out.

One thing leads to another and suddenly we have 6 kids, and the youngest is in kindergarten and the oldest is getting her driver's license! And I've all but forgotten that kids change, adapt, and grow...and I can learn about it? And better yet I can be prepared for it!?? 

This is one thing I am changing right now. I have started to learn more about each stage my kids are in. I want to be able to help them adapt to the changes they are going through! I also want to be prepared for the changes that will come instead of being caught off guard or surprised by the changes. 

I've thought it and said it and believed it since I first gave birth back in 2005...I would rather give birth and have newborns and toddlers than kids and teenagers.  I'm wondering now if that is because I put so much effort into the homework...I'll probably never know for sure and that's ok. I can put the effort into the homework now and become more adaptable and maybe I'll start to anticipate and enjoy the different changes that will come with each stage of raising my adorable and unpredictable children!